Wanna be a miserable cuss? Surround yourself only with people who are just like you! In my ongoing journey of personal development, I’ve realized how myopic our view of the world can be as individuals. We can only see the world through our own eyes, which are trained to see what we’ve learned is important to ‘us’ as individuals.
We focus on what we are attracted to and typically abhor what we dislike. The significant challenge is that, statistically, only 25% of the population is like us. Therefore, we will love, love, love 25% of the population and despise the remaining 75% of the planet that we don’t get or understand… and even worse, we try our damnedest to change them to be more like us and see the world the way we do.
I don’t know about y’all, but for me this is a lose-lose proposition. Since there are more people who aren’t like me than those who are, this unawareness can create a miserable life. In 75% of our interactions with others, we constantly correct those around us to make them different from who they are, so they’ll be more attractive to us. No surprise, they are doing the same. As a result, 75% of our social interactions with others are spent being annoyed that ‘they’ (the other 75%) aren’t ‘getting it’.
We tell ourselves about ‘them’, “If you were only more like me… then YOU and the world would be such a better place!” There is a deeper reason for this, and once you understand it, you will be forever free from wearing your black robe and gavel, judging anyone and everyone for their differences.
The truth is this; what we dislike in others is only a reflection of what we abhor the most about ourselves.
Hmmm, let’s digest that for a minute. “So you’re saying that when I don’t like someone else, it’s because their actions, words, or personality are what I don’t like about me?” Yup.
“No way, you don’t understand. I LOVE ME. I’m perfect. I’m the cat’s meow, the shiznit, the bomb!” Really…
Then why are you your own worst critic?
Why do you beat yourself up on the regular for what you should’ve, would’ve, and could’ve done?
Why do you have so little faith in yourself that you give up on your dreams, goals, and desires when the going gets tough and then justify it by rationalizing why you aren’t worthy of the prize?
Why, when you look in the mirror, and no one else is around, do you see all of the ways in which, if you were different…you would be so much better?
It’s not that ‘they’ should be different. It’s that ‘we’ need to learn how fabulous we are. When we start to pull back the veil of our insecurities, we find that ‘we’ are pretty much all the same. As human beings, we share the same basic needs, wants, and desires. Our dislike of others truly reflects what we are still struggling to love in ourselves. As Maslow’s hierarchy of needs shows, once our basic physiological and safety needs are met, we all want nothing more than to feel loved and to belong.
Recently, while on Holiday (fancy word for vacation… I’m becoming more sophisticated;)) in Portugal, sitting in a Time Out Lisbon eatery, I had an epiphany. We are literally all the same! I’m not talking about our strengths, weaknesses, individual gifts, talents, abilities, or who we identify as; I’m referring to us as spiritual beings living a human experience.
Lisbon is one of those rare places on earth where you can walk down the street and hear a multitude of languages being spoken, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Portuguese, German, Spanish, English, Swedish, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, Swahili, Italian, French, and Hindi, to name a few, are spoken in no less than a quarter-mile jaunt. I heard and witnessed this in restaurants, stores, parks, beaches, cities, among Uber drivers, and at the police station.
I won’t elaborate on the police station experience, other than to say thank god for Find My Apple AirPods;-)
Though we tend to fight tooth and nail to prove our perspective on the world is right, because it’s the only one we know or believe in, we are pretty much all the same as living organisms defined as Homo sapiens.
Being immersed in Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, or Judaism, for example, can make that belief your spiritual point of view… often making anything other than yours seem wrong and evil. If you identify as a communist, Republican, Democrat, socialist, or fascist, you then think the world would and should be better if only more people understood your perspective.
In my opinion, the lunacy of our self-righteousness in fighting for our personal points of view and making everyone else seem bad and wrong is somewhat silly when considered in light of all that is available for us to learn and know. We currently have 8.3 billion human beings on Earth. Do you earnestly think that your singular way of thinking is the only right way? If you want to challenge your POV, all you need to do is travel the world and immerse yourself in cultures outside your own.
The irony is that without our differences, life would be like watching paint dry. It is our contrasts that give us the canvas to paint the mosaic of living…really living. Without pain, there is no recognition of joy; without failure, there is no understanding of success; without darkness, there is no comprehension of light. People are the same way. We need one another!
So today, let’s all try a little experiment. Instead of letting yourself be troubled by someone else’s differences, focus on yourself and notice where you are exactly the same. Next, forgive yourself for being frustrated by that part of you, and love yourself anyway. Then look back at the person you were frustrated with and have a good laugh… the person in the mirror ain’t so bad after all, huh!
Be Larger Than…
