It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…
This classic opening to Charles Dickens’s timeless masterpiece, ‘A Tale of Two Cities,’ is my life in a nutshell. After my recent post, “Houston, We Have Liftoff!”, I thought it might lead some to believe my life is filled with nothing but rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns. My dear sister-in-law, Sarah Farnsworth, recently sent me a meme that had me laughing uncontrollably. It was a picture of the word “apocaloptimist” — def: someone who knows it’s all going to shit but still thinks it will turn out OK. Needless to say, she was referring to me.
Although I acknowledge that I lean toward optimism, I also know it comes with heartache, hard lessons, devastating losses, and outright pain. I wanted to share my human side with those who otherwise think it doesn’t apply to me because I choose to look for the benefit in every adversity.
Napoleon Hill, the author of ‘Think and Grow Rich,’ was commissioned by steel magnate Andrew Carnegie to study the most successful and influential people of the early twentieth century. The list included notable figures such as John D. Rockefeller, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Charles M. Schwab, Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and F.W. Woolworth. Because of Carnegie’s immense wealth and influence, he knew these industry, political, and world leaders personally.
His goal was to have Napoleon study them over a 20-year period to identify common factors of success and to share his findings with the world. Through Napoleon Hill, ‘Think and Grow Rich’ became Carnegie’s greatest contribution to humanity, far surpassing the wealth he had accumulated as the richest person in the world at that time. I share this because one of the principles Napoleon learned from his studies was this: “In every seed of adversity lies a seed of equal or greater opportunity.”
I read this book for the first time over 25 years ago, and among the 13 principles he shared as the common characteristics of those he studied, this trait of high achievers has stood out the most to me. Using my life as an example, here are several personal facts that illustrate both the best and worst times…
Best… I was raised by an incredibly accomplished mother and father who provided my siblings and me with opportunities that were very rare for African Americans.
Worst… was watching their marriage fall apart, shattering my illusion of a perfect family unit and leading to an acrimonious pending divorce. Even more devastating, before the divorce was final, was losing them both—31 days apart, as first my mother and then my father died unexpectedly.
Best… In high school, I rose like a phoenix both academically and athletically. As a junior, I was voted the first African-American President in my school’s history, was elected and appointed to the American Legion Buckeye Boys State that same year (an invitation-only, eight-day immersive experience in the operation of democracy), and was a record-shattering, undefeated wrestler.
Worst… At the same time, because I was one of only two African-American students in my class, I faced daily cruelties of racism and prejudice, while also failing to meet my high, record-setting athletic goals by losing when it mattered most.
Best… In college, I earned a full-ride scholarship to the University of Wisconsin-Madison for my athletic achievements and was on the verge of achieving my goal of becoming an NCAA All-American.
Worst... Even though I ranked in the top 10 in my weight class nationwide and was a returning national qualifier, I was then met by my new wrestling coach, who, at the eleventh hour, decided I wouldn’t represent my team at the Big Ten Championship. I challenged his decision and won; however, he ultimately prevailed and arranged an overwhelmingly unfair wrestle-off, in which I ultimately lost… effectively ending my wrestling career.
Best… After failing in five business ventures over 12 years after college, I finally broke through and found success in my sixth! My childhood friend, his partner, and I built a nationally renowned chiropractic practice management company in less than two years, and it reached unprecedented heights.
Worst… only to receive a phone call the same day I put in an offer on a new home, telling me I was fired from the company I built. (BTW, this ‘worst’ led to another ‘best’ called Chiro One Wellness Centers;-),
Best… Finally meeting and marrying my soulmate, Stephanie, has exceeded my wildest dreams of what a relationship could be. Having a daughter who is everything a parent could hope for and more makes it even better.
Worst… which only happened after two failed marriages, a soul-crushing divorce, near financial ruin, and a relentlessly challenging ex.
As Napoleon Hill learned and shared, every adversity has brought unfathomable blessings that now seem perfectly clear. Each blessing also brings unknown challenges you can’t predict until you face them. You can’t have one without the other. If you understand this, as I do, it simply becomes a matter of where you choose to focus your energy. In my recently completed book, “LARGER THAN LIFE, In Pursuit of Discovering Your Full Potential,” I share this wisdom in clear detail and explain exactly what one needs to do to understand the power of this learnable perspective.
If you focus on the challenge, there’s no room to recognize the gift it offers. No matter how tough it is right now, ‘this too shall pass.’ If you focus on the blessings, even when you can’t see them right away, it’s only a matter of time before they appear. The truth is, my life includes both rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns AND heartache, losses, and pain. I choose to be an ‘apocaloptimist.’ At the end of the day, it’s all about a choice.
Choose wisely and embrace the suck—it’s worth the challenges to enjoy the rewards.
Be Larger Than…
